Sunday, March 1, 2015

Mommy Confession: Being a new mom was hard for me.

When I had Grayson six years ago, I remember suffering from postpartum depression, and I thought I was a "bad mom" for not feeling an immediate connection with my precious baby. It took awhile.
Then, not even a week later, I was back in the hospital with a virus, while Joey was at home alone with a brand new, VERY colicky baby who had his days and nights mixed up. With Grayson's perpetual crying, and with his eczema so severe, his car seat had blood stains in it, Joey and I questioned when things would get "easy."

Then, I began a new job 6 weeks later...with a boss who wasn't "great." And by "not great," I mean he called me "intellectually lazy" and gave me no other option than to pump milk while sitting on a toilet in the bathroom we shared with other offices. (That's all water under the bridge, but underscores the stress I was feeling as a new mother.) Again, I questioned when things would get easier.
Guess what? They didn't.
Because parenting doesn't get easier. We just get better.
And, maybe, as new mothers cradling our babies, we're both in our infancy.
Because, as Grayson grew, I grew. 
I learned how to be more flexible. 
How to survive on less sleep. 
How to swallow an insult in order to pay bills and buy formula for my son. 
I learned how to fight for my family, and how to be resourceful...lessons that would serve me well indefinitely.
Now, I can honestly say that Grayson's been my strong cornerstone all along. Even when I quit my job - when I had my "Erin Brokovich" moment - he was on my hip, giving me something to cling to.
To all you mothers out there who have willful children...
To mamas who experience challenging, messy, thankless days...
Remember that giving up isn't an option when someone calls you "Mom."
And someday you'll see that you didn't carry your child, your child carried you.


NanaDiana said...

I think you speak for so many mothers here, Meredith. Those that would never admit that "momming" was harder than they thought and they didn't LOVE TO DEATH that newborn that cried non-stop. lol

My daughter had two very colicky boys that cried round the clock for the first two months of life. Poor girl...but she did it and it all changed once they got a bit older.

Have a wonderful Sunday- xo Diana

Ugochi said...

This is true, inspiring and encouraging Meredith. And like NanaDiana has said, you speak for so many mothers here.
Parenting does not get easier, we only get better as we grow in it.
Love that!