Friday, August 27, 2010

Breaking Up With Cheese


I’m serious. I am breaking up with cheese.

This is the truth. Last night, my husband asked for a back scratch. When I indicated I was too tired, he said, "Just pretend my back is cheese and you are grating it." Oh dear. I was literally speechless.

Quitting cheese will be quite the challenge, as I feed my son cheese every day.

As we all know, it’s a good source of calcium. Believe me, I have tried to use that line for my own justification. (Meredith, you NEED the cheese, as it is a good source of calcium. You don't want to develop osteoporosis, do you?).

It's not like I'm a mouse (or worse yet, a RAT). I just like it...a lot.

Let me paint you a picture:

Recently (while eating cheese), I was cutting off a few slices and nibbling. Don’t ask me how, but this lead to me walking around the house holding the block and eating it like a candy bar.

Clear wrapper pealed back and all. Not okay.

Which is why I need to just break up with cheese or, to borrow a line from Ross on Friends, go on a break. Let’s not even consider throwing bread in the mix. One thing at a time.

In the middle of writing or working on the computer at night, I start to crave it. Eating it with crackers is even better. This usually ends up with me standing at my kitchen island, knife in hand, in mild-cheddar bliss.

The song is wrong: the cheese does NOT stand alone. I am there, too. And it is glorious.

Until someone invents a patch for cheese-heads like moi, I must demonstrate some self-control. I will even write myself a post-it note so there is no going back. Not a chance, right?

But first, I think I'll go and finish what I have in the refrigerator so that it will be gone and I won't be tempted.


Thought For the Day: Everything in moderation.

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4 comments:

HerbaJen said...

This was too funny. My husband is German but spent most of his life in Wisconsin and the man loves his bratwurst, cheese and good bier! Its not just a block of cheddar either...we're talking expensive aged cheese that smells worse than a 20 year-old pair of shoes. He's eating some as I type this. Good luck with your new single life and if u want to break down in a few months for a rendevous with cheese---lll have u the very best sent from wisconsin for u to enjoy. :)

HerbaJen said...

This was too funny. My husband is German but spent most of his life in Wisconsin and the man loves his bratwurst, cheese and good bier! Its not just a block of cheddar either...we're talking expensive aged cheese that smells worse than a 20 year-old pair of shoes. He's eating some as I type this. Good luck with your new single life and if u want to break down in a few months for a rendevous with cheese---lll have u the very best sent from wisconsin for u to enjoy. :)

HerbaJen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Meredith Garrett said...

Thanks for your support, HerbaJen! Good luck to you when dealing with your husband's preference of cheese. I'll stick with my Wisconsin's Mild Cheddar. :)